To Be a Feminine Computer Scientist(And not feel guilty about it)
posted by UsabilityQueen May 6, 2010 @ 4:18 PM • 8 comments
I’m new to stemming.org, and have recently started blogging my adventures as a future Usability Queen(UQ)(Mhm, HCI goodness). One of the biggest struggles I had in my undergraduate years that I’m only now coming to terms with is the tension between UQ the Computer Scientist, UQ the Feminist, and UQ the Young Woman.
UQ the Computer Scientist works hard for her grades, and makes sure that they represent the love of the field that she has. She is recognized in her classes as an intelligent individual, though since moving up to graduate school, she is no longer the top of every class(just the HCI ones). She attempts to socialize on the same level with the guys, though this is often at the expense of UQ the Feminist.
UQ the Feminist is sick and tired of hearing dumb “jokes” about her capabilities as a programmer. She is pissed off that the assumption is she needs to be shown how to use Fraps when working on TacTile when the offer to help male students is made. She is a graduate student and can figure out a piece of software, thank you very much. She is saddened that some of her classmates clearly see her as a girl and not as a computer scientist first, which can actually please UQ the Young Woman.
UQ the Young Woman likes feeling pretty. Likes wearing skirts with sandals and coordinating colors. She likes dressing up because she feels like it. She isn’t wearing the skirts for the boys, its about her and how she feels about herself. She is sad that dressing up is something that makes her feel, sometimes, like a bad feminist. It cycles.
But these three people are all me. I have to work to keep them in balance, and some of that involves educating my peers when they’re promoting inequality. When I feel guilty about dressing too pretty, or egging the less-than-appropriate jokes on to be part of the group, I can remind myself that these are my choices. I am this way for a reason, and that is that I’m awesome. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and no one, not even me, can take that away.
I hope that the comments here will include more tips for how to reconcile these different personas. Thanks for reading. – UQ
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at 8:17AM 05/07/10 AlexInSpace said:
Hmmm…I currently go to a women’s college, and my first summer research opportunity was the first time I had a job with male cs majors. They were all very nice and gave me no trouble, but I did have to assure myself that I wasn’t an incompetent programmer, etc. I’m O.K. at programming, but our curriculum is heavily theory-based and so we don’t have as many classes dedicated to crazy programming techniques…But it was fine. I asked for help if I needed it, but it was never an issue that I was a girl.
It’s been more of an issue outside of a research environment…AKA in the real world. I too like dressing up or dressing in a feminine way…and people don’t always expect computer knowledge to accompany that. I have a long-standing fantasy of a man trying to sell me a computer, and being like “Um EXCUSE ME.” and then beating him over the head with my superior computer knowledge and making him feel ashamed that he tried to capitalize on my femininity to sell me a crappy computer.
Uh in short, if people are giving me a hard time, I sometimes wait until I can make them look stupid…because if people think they know wayyy more than you about something, they will undoubtedly stumble…of course it they’re a generally nice person you can correct them gently.
at 2:50AM 05/11/10 Lola said:
I don’t think that you should feel like a bad feminist for wearing skirts and coordinating colors. The feminist movements were about gaining more freedoms for women (in extremely oversimplified terms, I know). Wearing a skirt is no longer a form of oppression but rather one of many options that we are free to choose. I personally prefer skirts and dresses (and necklaces and headbands and stilettos…) over the “jeans and a T-shirt” uniform that my male colleagues wear (I’m a math PhD student). If enough women in the STEM fields were to dress how we want to dress, rather than feeling like we have to assimilate with the culture that has already been established by our male counterparts, I think that it would become quite normal to see well-accessorized women as examples of feminists, rather than antitheses to feminism.
at 3:38AM 05/11/10 sharon said:
Thanks for writing this post! I’m not in usability, but I studied CS and went straight to industry to work as a programmer, and I can relate to a lot of it. For what it’s worth, I’m glad we can choose to wear skirts or pants; not that dressing boyish would be oppressive or anything, but it’s just not flattering to all shapes and sizes.
at 12:11PM 05/15/10 phippsl said:
I’m new to stemming, too. I joined because I’m interested in web programming as a possible career change. I’m 33, a former English major, and I’m still at the beginning of formulating my career goals in programming.
I have to admit, I’m scared by the sexism evinced by guys on the tech forums I’ve been reading. it is ridiculous! i was wondering how other people cope with it, and does it ever make you question your career choice?
at 12:23AM 05/22/10 Lola said:
phippsl -
I don’t think that math has as much overt sexism as cs/tech fields, so I might answer this differently if I were in a different field… but I actually think that the “women can’t do math” stereotype is part of the reason that I felt compelled to choose a career in math. My research is completely selfish – I find it fascinating, but it doesn’t make the world a better place (I’m a pure mathematician and, as far as I know, my work doesn’t seem to have any useful applications). However, by rising above the stereotypes and encouraging other women to do the same, I feel like I can make a difference.
at 6:50PM 05/26/10 clara said:
phippsl — I work from home as a freelancer, so that helps :). But there are also a lot of great women-only mailing lists (devchix, systers, linuxchix) where you can always find listeners/support if you want to talk about a sexist incident or just ask a programming question without fear of encountering a jerk. These lists really help to counterbalance a lot of other tech lists/forums that, based on who’s posting, can often seem like they’re just for men.
at 4:01PM 05/29/10 Ptaylordactyl said:
Glad to have found this post. To be honest (hopefully not negative) I try to avoid places “for women” because I don’t relate to them. But this I did. So it’s all your fault I’ve now joined. :)
More relevantly, I’ve grown up under a mother who never quite made it out of her hippiedom. She graduated in the ‘70s as the only woman in her class to receive a PhD. And that was in business. It’s been an odd situation for me, because I grew up with the impression that high heels and dresses were bad, and always felt I wasn’t allowed to be girly. Most of my friends are male (by my own nature, nothing deliberate).
Don’t feel any guilt about wearing that skirt. Personally, I value clothing for the confidence it can give people. If it makes you feel good about yourself, you’ll be much easier to relate to on a day-to-day basis. The trick is avoiding others defining you based on your gender. Be womanly, but be competent. It’s hard to get in the way of someone who’s good at what they do.
One more thing. My brother was bullied as a very little kid, and the same bullies tried to do it to me. I learned to dodge it by pretending I found it funny, or I didn’t care. I did. The day I joined in jeering at my brother, I knew they were wrong, and I stopped playing their games. Call them on it. Even your friends might make those sexist jokes. Don’t get offended, but do point out that it makes them look like jerks. They are actually hurting their own images by downtalking women.
Yeah, I have opinions about this stuff. Maybe I belong more than I thought.
By the way, I’m an undergrad civil engineer, but the issues are universal.
at 8:35PM 08/21/10 parclair said:
I agree with everyone above.
I reconciled my three aspects by socializing at the guys’ level; I really loved programming. And I gained chops with the guys by figuring things out in new and unusual ways, then talking about it.
Remaining silent, neutral/poker faced during inappropriate jokes (raising the eyebrow is effective), or turning them around by changing gender (a really funny way to educate bigots)
Realizing that an “offer to help, little lady” was the first step by a guy to get to know me; no harm intended.
And, that I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want. (Of course, in my case, I started having conniptions over my clothes (shoes!!!! baby-dolls yes, oxfords noooooooo) when I was four. I wore suits and gloves in high school in the mid-sixties as well as very short and pretty mini-dresses.)
I’ve been a feminist since I-can’t-remember, probably elementary school, and the bottom line is it’s ok to be yourself, however you want to do it. That was what feminism was about— not being bound by someone else’s idea of the “right way for a woman to behave”.
PS. Teehee, Ptalordactyl, I’m probably your mom’s age, and I’ve never grown out my hippiedom either. I wore high heels (look at Janis Joplin photos), platforms, no bras, always skirts (‘cause I couldn’t find pants that fit right after hiphuggers), etc. (I finally started wearing bras when my clothes “didn’t look right” without one. (IE i put on a few pounds)
There’s a bunch of old hippies with careers here in Davis, and we’re an easily identifiable brand here in CA’s central valley.